The last few weeks have been very tumultuous and confusing for me.
I'm not even sure that there is anyone who reads these things. But, I'm trying to be nice.
Anywho, back to the navel gazing.
I've been passed over for the position again. The reasoning makes sense this time. There are part-time people who going to lose their jobs due to budget cuts. One of them needs a job. They are going to award the open position to the sole person who isn't previously retired. This one I'm sorta behind and I do actually see their reasoning. This doesn't mean I have to like it.
All of this with the missed jobs have really started me asking, "What do I want?" I am having a bit of a problem trying to figure this out. Right now I don't know that I'm QUALIFIED to do anything and at the base of things I'm not truly sure what I'd do if I could do anything I wanted. I mean I've always said that I want to open my own publishing house. Sadly, I don't have the money or the knowledge to open my publishing house. I could learn, but the biggest problem in the money. I would need to have some serious cash to open a publishing house. I'm not sure that this is the optimum time to start a new publishing venture.
Bother these little existential quandaries are a royal pain the arse!
I've got tons of little story ideas floating around in my head. Sadly, I'm doing very little about it. I don't know why I can't sit down and make myself write. Although, I am doing a little bit of journaling at lunch while I'm at work. Sadly, I'm not doing much "fun" writing
I have no overwhelming desire to become a PO. I just want to do it because it is the next step in my "career" path. Sadly, I don't know that I want to continue walking down this path. I just feel like I'm caught in the old cliche, "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."
Oh well. I guess, for the most part, I'm just belly aching and whining. I'll figure something out, I usually do.