Sunday, July 26, 2009

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

The last few weeks have been very tumultuous and confusing for me.

I'm not even sure that there is anyone who reads these things. But, I'm trying to be nice.

Anywho, back to the navel gazing.

I've been passed over for the position again. The reasoning makes sense this time. There are part-time people who going to lose their jobs due to budget cuts. One of them needs a job. They are going to award the open position to the sole person who isn't previously retired. This one I'm sorta behind and I do actually see their reasoning. This doesn't mean I have to like it.

All of this with the missed jobs have really started me asking, "What do I want?" I am having a bit of a problem trying to figure this out. Right now I don't know that I'm QUALIFIED to do anything and at the base of things I'm not truly sure what I'd do if I could do anything I wanted. I mean I've always said that I want to open my own publishing house. Sadly, I don't have the money or the knowledge to open my publishing house. I could learn, but the biggest problem in the money. I would need to have some serious cash to open a publishing house. I'm not sure that this is the optimum time to start a new publishing venture.

Bother these little existential quandaries are a royal pain the arse!

I've got tons of little story ideas floating around in my head. Sadly, I'm doing very little about it. I don't know why I can't sit down and make myself write. Although, I am doing a little bit of journaling at lunch while I'm at work. Sadly, I'm not doing much "fun" writing

I have no overwhelming desire to become a PO. I just want to do it because it is the next step in my "career" path. Sadly, I don't know that I want to continue walking down this path. I just feel like I'm caught in the old cliche, "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."

Oh well. I guess, for the most part, I'm just belly aching and whining. I'll figure something out, I usually do.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

What do I want?

Been too long since I've last written. There is quite a bit that has gone on. Some good and some bad.

The first good thing that happened was I had an interview for a promotion at work. Things felt like the stars were aligned and I had a great inside track on the job. Sadly, I soon discovered this was not to be. The part that really pisses me off is the arsehole they promoted in my stead. They gave me a line about what sort of person they wanted. They guy the hired, to me, is the antithesis of everything they said they wanted. oh well, theoretically if the stars align correctly, I'll have a shot at the second position (and possibly a third) coming open soon. I'm trying, very, very, very hard not to get my hopes up on this possibility. I can't tell if my boss thinks I'm worth promoting, but need more work or if she doesn't like me and thinks I just need to STF Up.

Went to a house party in Raytown (near KCMO) and saw Sooj with her mates Ginger Doss and Bekah Kelso. They were absolutely delightful. Jen and I left the house late, only late because I'm anal and actually think there is such a thing as a schedule. We had a good trip to KC and Jen even took a nap on the way. I tried that but she kept complaining about driving off the road! Just out from the event, we found a Mr. Goodcents and had food. There was a liquor store next to the Goodcents. We got Jen a 12 pack of Bud light lime. While we checking out the clerk made the comment, "The DD is buying the beer? I gotta get me some new friends." I couldn't help myself and said, "I do get other benefits" and then ducked out the door car. We then managed to wend our way to the house where the concert was taking place. I was a bit antsy, since the concert was billed as starting at 1900, and we were pulling up at 1905. Turns out the bit of rain that we were having caused the event to relocate inside. We were to the almost an hour early as they were resetting up. We managed to hook up with some friends we haven't seen in a while and meet some new ones. While we were waiting for things to happen I managed to knock my soda over. I didn't notice until I moved my leg and realized I was sitting in it for a while. Needless to say for the rest of the night I was standing up.

The house was not set up for a concert and Jen and I sat in the living room during the first set. We could hear fairly well and I got to stand in front of a fan. During the intermission we bought some souvenirs. The gracious Sooj happily signed them for us. Then we decided to try to get in the main room with the party. We found a seat by the door, Jen got a back rest and I could stand up. We had a really good view. I rotated out to let people loom in the doorway, like I was. The music was good, the company was great and towards the end a nice young lady (whom I'd moved out of the way for) knelt down to let me see better and I got a great view of her slight dusty bare feet. What a night!

We stayed until almost 0100. Sadly, we still had to drive home, so we had to hit the road. We made it safe and sound.

The fourth of July has come and gone. We had a really good time. We went down to Jen's grandparents. Mostly I sat out of the way and didn't speak until I was spoken to. Then we stopped by her folks. Her mom asked us to take Jen's nephew to work. We were a bit delayed to our friends. We drove home and headed out to Suavo's. We had a wonderful night. Jen and Suavo managed to make things go boom!

Not long now and the rest of my family is heading back to England for my cousin's wedding. Sadly, Jen and I can not go. However, we're getting back on our feet financially.

Still, I think I'm over being pissed about not getting the job.

Mostly, I'm trying to answer the question what do I want? I'm really not sure I know the answer.