Sunday, August 17, 2008


I'm struggling quite a bit with life. I am having a very dichotomous experience. On the one hand I'm feeling like I deserve more. I want more and I want it now. On the other I'm not really sure that I deserve what I have.

What precipitated this "crisis" is Jen's decision to go for what she wants in life. She has decided that there will never be enough money and it will never be the right time to do the things she wants to do. Trying to help get her what she wants has mad me focus on what I don't have. I want more money so that it is easier to pay for classes, travel and basically do what I want to do when I want to do it. Basically, the reason why I want to win the lottery.

Now that is the down side of my head space at the moment. The good news is that Jen and I are communicating better than I think we have for a while. Not that things are ever bad on that score. It is just nice when a good thing gets better.

This last week at work was a bit of a trial. My rater was off all week. Regina, the other PPAII in my section, was on vacation for the whole week. Honestly, this didn't impact my life too badly and she deserves to have some time off. Brenda, my supervisor, went to the state fair on Wednesday afternoon. I was by myself. Not that I was that worried, but I'm sure that something I did will come back to bite me in the arse. Thursday Brenda was in training for most of the day. I was, again, left alone.

Friday night I had planned a bit of a surprise for Jen. She's been talking about needing time alone. I was going to drop Jen off at home and then go out. When I tell Jen about this, she tells me that she doesn't want me to go. I have no problem as I was really in the mood to stay home, except I was going to do some writing while I was out, wherever I was going to be.

The good thing about staying home is that I had Jen book a hotel room for Wednesday night. Sadly, where we wanted to go was MUCH higher, so she found us a new hotel. 'Cause, seriously, she's got mad ninja like skills. That was good. Still, I'm looking forward to our weekend camping trip at Camp Gaea. We'll be there Thursday through Sunday.

Saturday was gaming with Danny and Elaine. The day started off with Jen selling her car. One of the women next door had talked to Jen the other night about the car. They interested party had left a note asking us to call him. But, Thursday night we didn't get home until after 2000. The guy showed up and I answered the door and went and got Jen. Then she came back and told me that the guy would be back with cash later. Jen and I went back to bed and later he did come back. She dealt with getting him the title and all that fun stuff. The guy rolled the car out of the drive way and we saw the large, heavy oil spot. Jen got the hose and sprayed the driveway down. Sadly, she also burned her shoulders, lightly. When she got back in we watched the end of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Ya gotta watch the final race home.

The guy was still working on the car when we left. We cruised by the Rock Bottom Comics, gotta have my weekly chat with Jim and Bob. Sadly, I think the like talking to Jen better. Then we had lunch at Buckingham's. We stopped by Cost Cutter's and got ourselves shorn. We ran into Wal-Mart and grabbed some snacks for the night and Metallica's Black Album. We went over to D&E's and had a good night.

Sunday was quite a bunch of laying around. I got to watch the Cubs win! Then we went out to G&D's Steakhouse for our sole meal of the day. We then went to Stephen's Lake park to walk for a bit. I suddenly realized that we were losing day light and I hadn't set up the tent to air out. We started home, but I needed to run by Wal-Mart to grab some turkey dogs for lunch. I didn't get the tent set up. But, hopefully Jen and I will get it up tomorrow.

Take care.