Musings

I am not happy with myself.

If you're still reading, understand this is not a recrimination or the start to a litany of complaints. I've just come to the understanding that I'm not happy with who I am and what I'm doing in my life. I'm tired of kepping on. I need to make changes and right now I know what I want some of them to be, I'm just not sure how realistic some of the changes are right now.

• Work still sucks

  • I need to get a new job. I'm at the point in my life (just shy of 40) that I have to be sure I have a good motivation to move jobs.

  • I need to go back to school so I can get better jobs.

• Money still sucks

  • I need to make a plan and stick to it.

  • I need to get my bills caught up and paid on time every time.

  • I need to get JD a vehicle so she can have more freedom to move around.

• Romantic life is going awesome! JD completes me and just keeps putting up with my shite!

• I have a weight goal of 225 pounds by next June. This is an approximate 80 pound loss on my part.

  • I know what I need to do:

    • Eat less

    • Exercise more

    • Stop making excuses for not doing the other two.

• Writing

  • I am going to write a minimum of one blog post per week

  • I will work on stories nightly

    • I am going to try to finish one short story a month

  • I need to work on this more if I want to be happy!

Over all, I'm not terribly unhappy. I just need to make changes in my life to be happier. I'm am hoping to go see my folks in Idaho next year as I haven't been out to seem them since they've moved. I also hope to get to England in 2013. I want to see my family. I just missed my cousin's wedding and I feel like a slacker because I didn't go. This regret is tied up with my money issues!

I'm Back!

I'm back. I've had an extremely difficult time getting back in the swing of writing entries. As usual for me, there is nothing truly new and some momentous things have occurred.

I'm not going to detail what has happened in the last few months. I have started writing semi-regularly again. I'm attempting to to eat less and better. I am currently 135.35 kg (305 lbs) and I want to loose approximately 35.35 kg (85 lbs) to become healthier. I know what has to happen. I have to start moving my body more and watching telly less. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that. I get up at 0545 I'm out of the house by 0715 and depending on where I stop on the way home I arrive somewhere betwixt 1815 to 2200. There isn't much time for working out. I know, those of you whom do work out will tell me to just make the time. However, that doesn't seem feasible to my mind. I will have to do make the time and create some time to work out. I'm going to have to make the time, I just don't see it at this time. Again, not unusual for me.

I'm thoroughly stymied at work right now. I don't like my job. This wasn't supposed to be a stopping point. I was only supposed to stay here for six months to a year before moving on to something bigger and better. I am not used to not getting the jobs I want. Before in my life I want a job, apply, interview, and start. This is the first time in my life I've been told you've done well, but you just weren't good enough. Sad, but true.

I was out to dinner with friends on Friday night and one of them suggested looking at the VA. I initially said no, but the thought has been niggling at the back of my mind for the last few days.

I don't want this blog to become just where I whine about my life. I'm afraid I do that too much.

I'm currently in a hotel for my anniversary with my wonderful and talent wife. We are going out in a little bit to see some friends, visit some shops, and see Jay and Silent Bob Get Old tonight at the Midland Theatre. I will report on what I think!

On My Way Back, I Promise!

I'm disappearing for a little while. I know, I know, I haven't written in a long while any way. Who cares! Well, if there is anyone still looking at this blog, be warned. I'm getting ready to take an official hiatus. I plan on getting my laptop fixed and then I will be back. I'm hoping only a few weeks, certainly not more than a month, will elapse and I will start posting weekly missives from my brain.

Single-Helix-Mouth-Breather

Apparently, I am a sub-human, single-helix, mouth-breather, barely fit to be in the house.

I was informed of this charming little factoid, in not quite so many words by my house mate and landlord Sunday afternoon. To explain maybe I need to go back and give some of the events leading up to this.

24 hours earlier:

Jen and I decided to go see a movie. We tried to stop at the ATM and were thwarted in our attempts to get money as the network was down. We ran across town and the ATM at the branch we stopped at was operable. We got some cash and cruised into the theatre, got a drink and popcorn and saw The Sorcerer’s Apprentice. I have to say the film makers owe Jim Butcher a big, fat check! There were many differences from Mr. Butcher’s universe and MANY similarities. We got out of the film and grabbed some meds for me. Turns out my prescriptions had run out. Not really a problem, the nice young lady informed me they had faxed my doctor. I told her that would be an issue as my doctor was no longer an employee of the University of Missouri Hospital system. In fact he had taken a fellowship in Las Vegas. After the third time I’d mentioned the fellowship she asked me if that was a church thing. I explained my doctor was a resident and they did four years of residency and then could elect to do a fellowship which was usually either one or two years of further study and privately funded. I didn’t mention a fellowship was usually further study in a specialization. I got my only med available and my Emory boards. When she showed me where they were, she bent over to examine them and I could see right down here shirt. She had very lovely breasts. I held up two dollars, which she assumed was a tip, and I told her I was trying to donate to the breast cancer research advertised on the counter. You donate $2 and get a pen, with the pharmacy’s info on it! LOL I jumped back in the car and stopped off at Dairy Queen, we were heading to our local book sellers and Jen called and asked if they wanted a blizzard. We got them and headed over. They were busy. Jen and I ate and hung out until it was 1630. We stopped by Hy-Vee for some snacks, Sonic for drinks, and the house for our gaming supplies. I believe we got to our friends at 1730. Originally, we had agreed on a 1700 start time and Jen and I haven’t been so great at getting there on time.

I was running a Rifts RPG campaign. I thought the session had gone well. During the night another friend asked if we wanted to come over and hang out in the pool. We told them we couldn’t do anything until after we were done here. We wrapped up by 2230. We stopped by the house to drop stuff off, grabbed suits and towels, and headed out. We got over to our friend’s place around 2330. I should mention this is my friend’s father-in-law’s house. Turns out that we didn’t need our suits as we all went skinny dipping. We had a great time and left around 0300 and finally go home and in bed around 0400.

I know my housemate was up when we got home because his lights were on. Jen and I crashed and got up around 1130. I know my housemate got up around this time because I heard him come up and use the bathroom. One of the draw backs of the house he bought is that the bathing facilities are all upstairs. He has a toilet downstairs but not a shower or bath. However, he has the washer and drier in there. He went out and mowed the lawn. He came in the front door and Jen said, “Good morning sunshine.” He said, “You don’t want to know what I have to say to that.” He walked around for a minute and then said, something close to, I can’t say this without being snarky so you’ll get the snark. Elaine articulated something last night. She takes it as a personal insult that you guys are never on time. Then he walked off.

Jen and I stayed around watching telly. I was pissed, not about the comment, but about the delivery. I’m positive the reason for the comment is that he wanted to say something on Saturday night and we were gone when he came and looked for us. We got through quite a bit of taped stuff. I realized it was 1640. I told Jen we’d have to hurry, but we could make it to The Expendables at 1700. We got dressed and hurried out to the theatre. We made it in time. The Expendables was just as cheesy as I’d feared it would be. I enjoyed myself thoroughly. However, I suggest if Mr. Stallone plans on turning this into a franchise he hires better consultants. The actors didn’t move like a team and there were some egregious mistakes with firearms and explosives! Having said that I still had a ton of fun watching stuff blow up.

Archon 33, GBMojo and other adventures!

I had the great pleasure of attending Archon for the very first time. Apparently in time for a great deal of changes. The convention is moving to a new location in Westport next year. So, I guess we were there at the end of tradition and beginning of a new one. I look forward to seeing people next year.

Jen and I took Friday off in order to heard out a bit early. We were surprised when we found out that programming started at 1000. We hung around the house, did some laundry, watched some dvred telly. We didn't start leaving until later in the day. The drive went smoothly. I misunderstood the directions Jen gave me and we had a small mis-step where I over drove the road we were supposed to be on and had to back track. We came up on the hotel and the convention center, they were over an embankment from each other. Pulling up front, we see a group from Zombie Squad. We checked in to the Double Tree, they give you a warm cookie when check in. We parked and went up to the room. Jen got the clothes unpacked and I got the computers unpacked.

We headed over to the convention center and got checked in. My badge hadn't been printed or lost. Still, they remedied that quite quickly. Jen and I headed out to start learning our way around the center. We took a stroll around the artists room. We found that most of the art was HIGLY amateurish and overpriced. We then found out how to get tickets for the autograph signings and got all prepped for those on Saturday. We did a it more strolling around and then it was time for Laurell K. Hamilton, Angie Fox and co. to do a panel asking if Vampires are snobs. The panel agreed that they weren't and quickly ranged onto other topics. After the panel Jen and I headed back to the hotel room. We stopped by Denny's to get some food. Then I took Jen back to the hotel and I went to the local Wal-Mart. I bought some necessities. We got some bottled water and candy.

Saturday morning Jen was up before me. I don't know how she does it. She wakes up very early. But, generally needs a nap later. I woke up, ready to take on the world. We read for a bit and then I moved to the sofa in the room to let Jen go back to sleep for a while. I messed around on my laptop. I tried writing, but as so often happens, I keep deleting what I had written. I woke Jen up to get ready to go back to the con. I went to take a show and had a horrible time trying to get the water to warm up. For a while I really thought we were having issues with the water temperature and for some reason I turned the knob all the way to the right. Lo and behold the water is backwards: left is cold and right is hot.I got showered and we got dressed to leave. We stopped by Arby's to get some food and then headed to the con. An autograph session with Tom Kidd was first up. I had Jen get in line and parked the car. I came in, saw Jen in line and tore off for the dealer room. I'd promised to get 1632 signed by Eric Flint for Brian (my old boss). I tear off for the dealer's room for to get to Glen Cook's both. I purchase a copy of the book in question and the next three in Mr. Cook's Garrett P.I. series. I asked him to personalize the books and tore back off to get in line with Jen. We bought Mr. Kidd's new book Kiddology and he did a remarque for us. We chatted for a minute, well I did. Turns out Mr. Kidd is a child of the air force and had spent time in England. Funny, we'd been to some of the same or similar places. Jen and I took the book out to the car and looked through it. We came back in to the convention center and strolled down to the dealer's room. As we walked down the hallway looking at the sellers there. We were stopped out of a dealer when Jen stepped back and right into Laurell. It was funny, because I could tell that she actually recognized Jen. Right outside of the dealer's room was Peter Mayhew. We stopped and I got an autograph and a picture with him. I was truly a fanboy! We went back inside and picked up our books from Glen Cook. Jen picked up an astronomy book by John Scalzi and we continued on our way. We walked up and down the aisles, again there were some really good places, but most were woefully over-priced or of, what I consider, substandard quality. We stopped at a bookseller for Jen to rest. They had chairs set up. I realized that we were following Laurell, she was at a jewelry stand further up the next aisle. I handed Jen the latest book by Alton Brown and turned back to look at a few other books. When I turned around Jen was talking to Jon (Laurell's husband). They must have talked for about 20 minutes. I think Jon's minder (or bodyguard) was getting nervous. Jon went his way and in a little bit we got up. Down the last aisle we found Curious Cat Clothing and their lovely staff. When we were down we wondered down to the concession room and hung out for a while. We crossed the convention center to get in line for the Eric Flint. He was really nice and I got the books signed that I'd brought with. We chatted for a few minutes and then we moved on to let others have their turn. Jen wanted to go see the presentation by Zombie Squad. They were horrible. Don't get me wrong they were terrible that is fun, in a cheesy B-movie way. From there we headed to the Laurell panel about strong female characters. We stopped off and got pizza and sodas. We were part of the way through the panel when I realized the books we need for the Laurell signing were still in the room. I took off to go get the books. I ran back while Jen stayed in the panel. I got back without incident and books in two. We headed from the panel down to the signing area. We beat Laurell and crew, but there was already a line forming. Although this was the largest singing line I saw all con there still weren't near as many people as there were at a normal signing. We waited for the line to start dying down before we jumped in. Jon was prepping the books, as usual, and Jen tucked a dollar into his kilt. Too funny, I'm glad both Jon and Laurell are good sports. From there we headed back to the hotel room.

Jen wasn't feeling so well. She decided to take a nap. While she slept, I messed around on the internet. I watched the season premier of How I Met Your Mother. Our DVR had messed up and did not record the first half of the episode. The jokes are MUCH funnier when get the call backs. Eventually, Jen woke up and decided that she needed food. I went out to The Saint Louis Bread Company and got Jen some chicken noodle soup. There was a Wendy's near by, so I stopped and got myself a baconator. Got to love a sandwich predicated on meat, cheese and bacon! I went back to the hotel room. Mostly, I sat around not writing. This is a disturbing trend for me. I need to put words on paper (or characters on screen--same diff)even if they are bad words. I can fix bad words, but I can't do anything if I don't make the words first. Bleh! This isn't about that particular failing. We didn't return to the con that night. There were a few panels we might have wanted to sit in on, but nothing pressing. We hung loose in the hotel. I had problems falling asleep, eventually I did.

We slept late on Sunday. I got up and read. I took a shower. Sadly, we needed to start getting ready to leave. Jen and I did what we do best; we divided up the packing and got the car packed with a few minutes to spare before check out. We headed over to the convention center. I asked Jen to run in while I parked the car. Tom Kidd was at the tail end of a signing and I decided that I really did want the out of print book that he had for sale. I got the car parked and headed in. Mr. Kidd was very nice and generous as he had been the first time we saw him. He chatted with Jen and as I was joining her, he was mentioning needing to be off for a pizza party. We let him go. We headed off to get a message from the dealer's room. From there we got the last panel with Laurell K. Hamilton taking about hiding in plain site. There the panel was interesting. Sadly, Ms. Hamilton has done extensive research on her subject and her panel-mate had done less. She actually had to take time out to correct him at one point. After much fun was had, Jen and I packed up and headed home.

On the way home, Jen says we should see if the arch is open. We stopped off and the arch was open and we could get tickets to go up soon. I can't believe that my wife who doesn't like heights, small spaces, or crowds suggested we go up in the arch. We went up, I had a nice time, but they really do pack quite a few people in a small space and try to get you up and out relatively quickly. We came back down, strolled around the museum and then headed back to our car. The rest of our drive was nice.

Thursday, Jen took the day off and I worked. I left work and sped home to take off for St. Louis. Sadly, Jen and I spent more time getting ready to leave than we'd intended. Therefore, we were late getting to MoKaBe's coffee shop in St. Louis. They place was really nice. The half of a set that we heard was really. I dropped Jen off and then headed off to find a place. I did and hied myself over attentive, but not intrusive. to shop. They ladies were in good form. The coffee shop was wonderful. They barristas were attentive without being intrusive. After the ladies had finished up, Jen stepped out onto the patio and I grabbed the cds for sale. I joined Jen outside and realized that people were starting to leave, so I headed off to move the car. I walked past a bookstore that had a great quote from Frank Lloyd Wright on the transom: "Take care of the luxuries, and the necessities will take care of themselves." Just what I needed to see. I got the car and moved it around the block to be closer to MoKaBe's. I head back up to be with Jen. After a bit we headed back inside, we got the ladies to sign their respective CDs. We didn't stay too much longer and headed back home.

Friday Jen and I had the day off. That was nice and enjoyable.

Saturday, Jen and I lazed around the house far longer than we intended. We got a late start for the St. Louis Science Center. We did get on the road and stopped off at a Mr. Goodcents we'd spotted the last time we were in St. Louis. Sadly, we were too busy enjoying our food we didn't realize we'd missed our exit. I attempted to navigate from existing directions and sadly got us more lost. We didn't show up until about half hour late. We did manage to get there, get in and get into the talk. I'm not sure, but someone thought it would be good let me ask a question, towards the end. Anyone who knows me could tell you that I'm dangerous around microphones. I really, really like to be in the spotlight. I managed to ask my question without being a complete arse! When all was done, Jen and I headed home. WE had a good ride home. Jen stayed awake for the ride home.

That is mostly what we've been up to. While all of this was going on our house-mate David bought a house and we are packing up and moving.

I hope all is well with you folks!

Mermaid Madness

Mr. Jim C Hines put out a call of questions to celebrate the release of his latest book, Mermaid Madness. I couldn't help but ask a question to my biggest issue as a writer. Here is what transpired.

Thanks for the question!

Q: Where did you get the name for your most difficult to name character?

A: That's a tough one. I can tell you who my easiest character to name was (Jig the goblin), but the hardest? In the current series, I'd have to go with Snow White, aka Ermillina Curtana. I wanted to use names that were associated with the old fairy tales, but most of those old tales never actually give the characters names. The characters are more symbols than people: the beautiful princess, the brave prince, the evil stepmother, and so on.

I was able to name the other two, but Snow continued to elude me until I finally discovered the name Ermillina in The Crystal Casket, an Italian fairy tale with elements similar to Snow White. I honestly don't recall where her last name came from. But even then I wasn't happy. "Ermillina" was a clumsy name to write out each time. The first draft of Stepsister Scheme had her going by "Lina," but I didn't like that either. I finally decided she was the kind of person who would be happy with her nickname, and everyone called her "Snow" from that point on.

http://www.jimchines.com/2009/10/happy-mermaid-day/

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

The last few weeks have been very tumultuous and confusing for me.

I'm not even sure that there is anyone who reads these things. But, I'm trying to be nice.

Anywho, back to the navel gazing.

I've been passed over for the position again. The reasoning makes sense this time. There are part-time people who going to lose their jobs due to budget cuts. One of them needs a job. They are going to award the open position to the sole person who isn't previously retired. This one I'm sorta behind and I do actually see their reasoning. This doesn't mean I have to like it.

All of this with the missed jobs have really started me asking, "What do I want?" I am having a bit of a problem trying to figure this out. Right now I don't know that I'm QUALIFIED to do anything and at the base of things I'm not truly sure what I'd do if I could do anything I wanted. I mean I've always said that I want to open my own publishing house. Sadly, I don't have the money or the knowledge to open my publishing house. I could learn, but the biggest problem in the money. I would need to have some serious cash to open a publishing house. I'm not sure that this is the optimum time to start a new publishing venture.

Bother these little existential quandaries are a royal pain the arse!

I've got tons of little story ideas floating around in my head. Sadly, I'm doing very little about it. I don't know why I can't sit down and make myself write. Although, I am doing a little bit of journaling at lunch while I'm at work. Sadly, I'm not doing much "fun" writing

I have no overwhelming desire to become a PO. I just want to do it because it is the next step in my "career" path. Sadly, I don't know that I want to continue walking down this path. I just feel like I'm caught in the old cliche, "You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here."

Oh well. I guess, for the most part, I'm just belly aching and whining. I'll figure something out, I usually do.

What do I want?

Been too long since I've last written. There is quite a bit that has gone on. Some good and some bad.

The first good thing that happened was I had an interview for a promotion at work. Things felt like the stars were aligned and I had a great inside track on the job. Sadly, I soon discovered this was not to be. The part that really pisses me off is the arsehole they promoted in my stead. They gave me a line about what sort of person they wanted. They guy the hired, to me, is the antithesis of everything they said they wanted. oh well, theoretically if the stars align correctly, I'll have a shot at the second position (and possibly a third) coming open soon. I'm trying, very, very, very hard not to get my hopes up on this possibility. I can't tell if my boss thinks I'm worth promoting, but need more work or if she doesn't like me and thinks I just need to STF Up.

Went to a house party in Raytown (near KCMO) and saw Sooj with her mates Ginger Doss and Bekah Kelso. They were absolutely delightful. Jen and I left the house late, only late because I'm anal and actually think there is such a thing as a schedule. We had a good trip to KC and Jen even took a nap on the way. I tried that but she kept complaining about driving off the road! Just out from the event, we found a Mr. Goodcents and had food. There was a liquor store next to the Goodcents. We got Jen a 12 pack of Bud light lime. While we checking out the clerk made the comment, "The DD is buying the beer? I gotta get me some new friends." I couldn't help myself and said, "I do get other benefits" and then ducked out the door car. We then managed to wend our way to the house where the concert was taking place. I was a bit antsy, since the concert was billed as starting at 1900, and we were pulling up at 1905. Turns out the bit of rain that we were having caused the event to relocate inside. We were to the almost an hour early as they were resetting up. We managed to hook up with some friends we haven't seen in a while and meet some new ones. While we were waiting for things to happen I managed to knock my soda over. I didn't notice until I moved my leg and realized I was sitting in it for a while. Needless to say for the rest of the night I was standing up.

The house was not set up for a concert and Jen and I sat in the living room during the first set. We could hear fairly well and I got to stand in front of a fan. During the intermission we bought some souvenirs. The gracious Sooj happily signed them for us. Then we decided to try to get in the main room with the party. We found a seat by the door, Jen got a back rest and I could stand up. We had a really good view. I rotated out to let people loom in the doorway, like I was. The music was good, the company was great and towards the end a nice young lady (whom I'd moved out of the way for) knelt down to let me see better and I got a great view of her slight dusty bare feet. What a night!

We stayed until almost 0100. Sadly, we still had to drive home, so we had to hit the road. We made it safe and sound.

The fourth of July has come and gone. We had a really good time. We went down to Jen's grandparents. Mostly I sat out of the way and didn't speak until I was spoken to. Then we stopped by her folks. Her mom asked us to take Jen's nephew to work. We were a bit delayed to our friends. We drove home and headed out to Suavo's. We had a wonderful night. Jen and Suavo managed to make things go boom!

Not long now and the rest of my family is heading back to England for my cousin's wedding. Sadly, Jen and I can not go. However, we're getting back on our feet financially.

Still, I think I'm over being pissed about not getting the job.

Mostly, I'm trying to answer the question what do I want? I'm really not sure I know the answer.

He's bitching again!

Been a while since I've written. Partially this has been lack of time, partially due to lack of inspiration and mostly because I'm lazy.

I've managed to acquire a second job in the last few weeks and lose half my hours. I'm the only guy I know who can need a second job for the money and three weeks in go from 20 hours a week to 10 hours a week. I still need money and my plan to only work for 12 short weeks has been thwarted. I'm guessing I'll need to keep working for at least 26 weeks. Oh well, what are you going to do, right?

Still, things aren't so bad. My second job is back in the P&P Command Center, where I used to work. I like to think I'm getting back into the swing of things. But, who really knows. I like to delude myself quite a bit.

Work has gotten interesting. My workload has gotten heavier. By itself this isn't a good or bad thing, but it has made life a bit more interesting. My co-worker has been detailed to work in our unit in the morning and in a different unit in the afternoon. I think the work flow should have been more similar to this all along. But, we'll see how this all works out. i don't claim to know all the answers, hell I barely know any of the questions.

Oh well, this started out as a much longer blog. But, this is all I have in me right now.

Life in the Fast Lane

What a week it has been here. My week started off finding out one of my co-workers had flown out on Sunday to be with her boyfriend in New York state. No worries, but a bit of a shock as she'd said she wasn't going on Friday. That made work a bit different as we were a person down, but the more important part is I needed to work closer with my nominal supervisor. Again, not a big deal but it is a bit more than I'm used to. Still, I managed to get quite a bit done this week.

On Tuesday Jen and I went to see the Eagles. I am so glad we got to go. Since Jen is an employee of the University of Missouri we got tickets at a reduced price. The concert was awesome. They've returned to the original, electric, version of Hotel California. I took years to adjust to the Hell Freezes Over album version. I've now gotten to the point where I like it. The concert was wonderful. They looked liked they were having a good time. I really enjoyed seeing Don Henley and Glen Fry play live. Joe Walsh was amazing. Although I'm convinced Joe has no idea where he is most of the time. I didn't know Timothy B Schmit before Tuesday, but he was excellent. I didn't realize that he contributed lead vocals on several of the Eagles tunes.

After the concert Jen and I stayed behind to let some of the traffic clear out. I was amazed at that small army that emerged to breakdown the stage and associated equipment (the media pit and hanging screens). The worst part of it was seeing all of the garbage that was left behind. I was really disappointed in the amount of detritus that was left for someone else behind for someone else to clean up.

We left the concert and still had a few errands to run. We stopped by Walmart to get milk, QuikTrip to get petrol and by McDonald's to get some fuel. We didn't get to bed until almost 0130.

Wednesday was a tad rough. Jen had a meeting that she had to lead at 0700. Poor girl. We got through the rest of the week relatively unscathed.

Friday we watched both the Penultimate and the Ultimate episodes of Battle Star Galactica. I was very impressed. Even thought I do agree with Assmonkey over at livejournal that there was a high level of the Hitch hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Saturday Jen and I watch more telly and then headed over to Danny and Elaine's place for Exalted game. Things are going along well there. Although I'm not sure that we are going in the direction Danny wants us to go. Still, I think he's rolling with the punches very well.

Sunday we watched more telly and eventually went to G&D's Steakhouse for dinner with Danny, Elaine and Grace. We had a good meal. Then we went and got some custard and then headed over to their house for a bit. They were watching The Celebrity Apprentice. We came home and finished some laundry. Then it was bedtime.